This month in perspective of not so kind mind like mine

I took a mental vacation to get perspective of why my life is a mental mess.And here are some I gained insight to why. Because I have come to realize that day I went behind a gas station and cried and yes I cried.Then I took my my happy ass to the casino wear I blew a shit ton of money and made a decision that would hopefully change my life for the better .So after I went and finally made decision after months and years of running from the truth .I went and requested a leave of absence from work . So basically on the level I went and Gambled with my life again and quit my job and stepped into the unknown. Because let’s face it I have rebuilt and repaired my life so many times . All along every time I did this to my self there was something I was missing so I keep chasing the Chaos that alcohol and drugs bought in to the mix .Although a year ago I made that decision to do the same gamble that I’m currently still on .The difference between the PTSD/MultipleHead injuries witch I have masked and medicated my self because I thought would be less of a man to say that I have problems that I may not be able to solve on my own .But the truth is I think and believe it makes me a bigger man today.And I still have chaos it’s just getting a little more Manageable.With the Fourth of July freshly behind and all the fire works lit to celebrate the freedom that makes America awesome.